Life has really changed a lot in the past 5 years. I’ve learned a lot and grew in many areas that I never expected to grow or mature in.
These past two weeks have been life changing, yet again. Two weeks ago my mother in law and the fun, whitty Nanny to my three little princesses had a stroke…. well a few actually. Let me back up a bit… earlier this year she called to tell us that she had liver cancer…a rare kind but would do chemo and fight it. We were not ready for this news. We grudgingly accepted that she would have to go thru Chemo and the nasty side effects to get better. She’s a fighter. We did what we could to help prepare her and her home for the changes to come.
This was all great and she endured a ton of sickness and such from the chemo…and we knew to expect it…but then she had a stroke. The dr thinks it’s due to the chemo. We are heart broken. We never expected this, not in a million years. We also didn’t expect to hear from the Oncologist that her cancer is terminal, or that she knew that it was from the start. More heart ache. Tears don’t begin to describe the mixed bag of emotions that I feel. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell us that it was terminal… yet as a mom, I totally get it. I would want to protect my kids as well.
The GOOD
is that God has provided what we need, when we need it. He has put people in our paths that have helped walk us thru this process… nurses in the family, friends who work for hospice and various other support that we have needed. He’s given Steve and I an ARMY of SuperMoms who have helped with our kids while we flew or drove out to St Louis. He has provided us with friends who have let us stay with them in St. Louis, and has brought our family closer together thru this tragedy.
The BAD
is that it’s not over. She will (hopefully) be released this week to a nursing home where she will get hospice care until the cancer wins. It’s beyond words to describe the pain I feel for her. She seems to know who we are but can not talk. It’s so hard to not picture her up goofing off and being silly with the girls, or talking about politics or posting silly stuff on Facebook.
The UGLY
is that there will come a day in the next few months that I will have to tell my girls that Nanny is gone. They will be heart broken, shattered. I am trying really hard to stay strong and not talk about things in front of them, but this is so consuming.
I know that this is just part of the circle of life, but it’s painful and heart wrenching. It’s been hard to watch my husband and his siblings walk thru grief together…and it’s not over yet. It is hard to watch my father in law slowly come to gripes that the woman that he has been married to for 30+ years is not going to bounce back from this.
This just all feels to fast forward, too final. The picture above is Nanny with her “grands!” I’m processing this all as I can…hang with me. Things are changing for us quickly and I know that my posts my be fewer for the next few weeks.
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